Classes have me stumped! But my sins declared me dead.

Actually, it's not the classes but making the schedule for this summer and next fall. I was so frustrated that I had to put my books away and breath very deeply before touching the keyboard again. I hate it when I get like that. Completely frustrated and not trusting in the Lord.

When I get frustrated it's because I'm trying to fix things myself. Be self sufficient. Numero uno. Obviously I fail miserably. That's part of life though. When I try to do things on my own I fail. But when God is in control I do fine. No problemo.

So why do I revert to myself. Shouldn't the knowledge that Christ had to be staked to the cross for that foot-stomping be enough to keep me aware of my sins? The world according to me, "Wow, it's a great day that I get to control. But hell will break loose if you fail to meet my demands and standards." And I will take this sin with me to my grave and to the Judge. There will the Almighty repeat back to me every time I cursed under my breath, laughed at a bad joke, read something I shouldn't have, not trusted in Him, yelled at my siblings, raised a defiant eyebrow to my mother, and manipulated my dad. As I stand there, naked, everything revealed and laying open to the Father, He opens the book of the dead and looks for my name. But it isn't there! From the right, through the gates of splendor comes One who stood in my place. Blood pours from His head as the thorns press into His brow reminding me that those very thorns were a sign of the fall of man an God's curse on the earth. His hands bear the blood of the One who died for me. His beautiful feet, those very same that have walked the streets of paradise beside the Father, exhibit yet another battle wound received for me. His side pours of ethereal blood and water, showing that all was drained for me.

He stands there, between me and the Judge, and says, "It is finished." My sins have already been paid for by Him. He then pulls out the Book of Life! As God fingers through the pages He comes to my name. "Katherine Irene Coughlin, you have been declared righteous through My Son, whom I sacrificed for you, My beloved daughter. Come worship in My kingdom for your debt has been cancelled." Christ then covers my nakedness with glory and leads me to the banquet in honor of the Holy One.

Then shall I bee without sin. And then shall I not be self-sufficient. And then will I see my Maker's face and worship in His presence with the saints. What a day that shall be!

Wow, do I need a Savior or what! This blog is to let me voice my lack of trust in God and work through them, like a diary. Sort of. The more I write the easier it is for me to express my heart and what I'm struggling with.

So that's just a little about why I've started this. I probably won't keep this for very long, but that's okay.

Lord, please help me to keep my thoughts clear and focused on You. You have already met my greatest need, though sending your Son to the cross fo MY sins. All of them. Even my lack of trust in You. And not only that, but Your Son did not remain dead but defeated death itself! He rose again, all to fulfill Your promise. Holy Spirit, Guide my fingers and my tongue. Remind me f your goodness and my need for You!

Amen.