Days like this

It's funny how you can really get used to a place. Be it a spot on the globe, an emotional place, a state of mind, or the health of your body. I've had to do a lot of changing in the past 9 months... in all of those areas.

Place of residence: I would have never imagined I would ever get used to 113 degree days. If you had told me even a year ago that I would move to Vegas I would have laughed at you and said I was also planning on moving to Mars... But now, rain shocks me. I'm so used to the dryness that when it rains I get excited and nervous, all at the same time.

My emotional state: I can safely say that I am (or, was) pretty even keeled when it comes to my emotions. Not one to cry a whole lot. And I rarely have large mood swings. That all changed with the pregnancy, moving, and living by myself in a new place for 4 months... Now I have very strong urges to cry and then to laugh. To get angry and then excited. It's weird.

My state of mind: That has definitely changed. My "life plan" was to go to college, get my nursing degree, and work. A husband wasn't worked into the "plan". Nor was moving, getting pregnant, buying a dog, and postponing my college dreams. Hmmm. Obviously my "plan" wasn't God's plan. I've had to change my state of mind to reflect a spirit of waiting on the Lord, rather than planning for the Lord.

My body: Before I got pregnant I was a whopping 86lbs. Yeah. The size of a twelve year old. And as much as I tried I couldn't gain more than 3lbs. I was unhealthily skinny, and I didn't want to be. Fast forward to July 30, 2009. I am now 116lbs!! 30lbs!! And I'm still gaining! I would have never imagined I would ever see my scale go up. In fact, that was a fear when I found out that I was pregnant. Would I be able to gain the weight needed for a healthy baby? Please know that I tried everything in my power to gain weight before. I was having milkshakes all the time, drinking boosts with most meals, even on a feeding tube for 2 months. This is a miracle for me! I have never been healthier than I am right now. And it's all been because of the Lord.

Through all of these changes the Lord has remained constant. He's never abandoned me. He was never "surprised" by any of this.

He's been preparing me for all of these changes for years! He knew that I would have to be independent and hard-headed enough to take care of my household and family by myself. He knew I would have to be adventurous enough to move across the country. He knew my pride would be worked on time and time again as I submit not only to my awesome husband but to the plans He had for me.

To be completely honest, it has taken me months to be thankful for my daughter. To be thankful for being a mom. I REALLY struggled when I found out that I was pregnant.

How can God do this to me? Doesn't He know I'm supposed to be a nurse? What is He thinking? I'm not ready for this!

Honestly, who is ever really ready to become a parent. Even the most prepared person isn't ready when that little one pops out helpless and in desperate need of care, love, and nurturing.

So by the grace of God He is growing me into a mom. I can confidently say that I look forward to the day I meet our little one and all the days that follow and all the children that follow.

But for now, I'm waiting, preparing, and being thankful. Thanking the Lord for days like this when He reminds me of how much He loves me. Preparing for the days to come of sleepless nights, loads of laundry, and feeding 3 mouths. And I'm waiting to see what else the Lord has up His sleeve for me...