A constant state of tiredness

Tired - weary, fatigued

I am weary. Emotionally worn out, and mentally strained.

My body is fatigued. There's really a lot to blame for my fatigue; 2nd pregnancy, this deployment, "single" mom to a toddler, and being sick or dealing with sickness in our house for the majority of the last 4 months. You name it we've had it (or still have it).

I'm sitting here at my husband's old computer (mine crashed 2 weeks ago and I've been too sick or out of town to take it in for repairs) and now his has a virus that irks me. It's always popping up with notices and warnings. My husband's truck is sitting in our driveway dead dead dead. I have 3 burned out light bulbs in my kitchen that I can't replace because I get dizzy when I climb. My dog snapped at me last night because I came too close to him while he was in his cage. I'm not sleeping and I can't take anything to help me sleep because I need to be able to protect my castle. On top of all of this the blood test on Friday showed that I'm hypoglycemic... so I need to eat all the time. I know this is a new thing 'cause I can actually feel my blood sugars drop. One more thing on my to-do list.

And now Audrey has a pretty bad cold with a runny/stuffy nose (how it can be both is beyond me), a cough, and a fever that levels out at 101.3. So she's been extra cranky on top of teething as well. I hate it when she's sick. There's nothing I can do to help besides love on her. Tonight I gave her a bath and she had the chills in the warm bath! (We snuggled in Mommy's bed afterwards and that helped.)

It's a mess over here. And it never ends. I can't assume this is the last of my problems or that any of this will end when my husband gets home... whenever that is.

But throughout all of this chaos I have been reminded of one thing over and over again: God is strongest when I am weakest. Well. I'm weak. Very weak, right now. I also know that He has given me the strength to endure what He has me going through.

Doesn't make it any easier, but at least I know I'm not alone nor will I crumble. My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches and glory (Phil. 4:19).

So in that promise I will stand.

And I might cry too. That's okay. It's not a sign of weakness (like I've told myself all these years).

This is where I am. This is probably where I'll be for a while. And I'm okay with that. It's just a season, and one that will seem very short in retrospect.

Till next time, Ciao!

Getting away

I'm sitting here in my parent's den in VA. Yes, beautiful VA. Oh how I've missed you.

This deployment I've been sick 4 times... 4th time here in VA. Yup. Audrey and I are getting over a terrible bug... don't know if it's the flu... but it's bad. Poor Audrey is still fighting a terrible diaper rash with diarrhea and vomiting. And I'm working on getting my appetite back. Yuck. I hate sickness.

So for now we're spending our time recovering, being taken care of (thanks, Mom and Dad!), watching tv, and staying away from everybody to avoid spreading this stuff. Which means I've had to cancel some play dates and lunches that I was really looking forward to going to. :(

All of that being said I am having a great time relaxing. I really needed this time. I'm being taken care of. It's wonderful!

If you get to see us this trip, great! If not, I'm sorry but it's for your health that I'm staying away. I really want to see everyone, but you don't want this. It sucks.

Anyways, I hope to see everyone!

The end of my night

Today I am 26 weeks prego... I feel big, but I don't look it, or so I'm told. My husband hasn't seen my growing figure since he has deployed. My fun not-so-little surprise that I get to reveal this spring when he gets home. :)

We're having a BOY! I get asked all the time, "Now that you have one of each (boy and girl) are you guys done? You know, you're family is complete." I really do hate this question. Even though I'm still pregnant with #2 I hope he won't be my last kiddo. But hey, I guess 2 is the "norm". I've never been told I was normal... so why should the size of my family be "normal"?

This little man is ACTIVE. Very active. Like his sister. I'm sitting here in my rocking chair with my feet propped up, my laptop open to my facebook page, blog, and e-mail, and my tailbone out of alignment and causing me pain. Yup. My tailbone. I've never heard of a kid actually kicking out a tailbone. He never stops moving, keeping me up at night with his jumping jacks. I can't wait till Michael can feel and see him move.

I had a revelation the other day after reading a blog I visit often. This gal recently had her second son and her boys are not far apart in age (similar to my two) so I've been enjoying seeing how she's adjusting to being a mommy of two. She made a comment, and I'm paraphrasing, that it's easier to take care of her newborn outside of her body than when she was pregnant with him because she was so tired. I have thought the same thing about my little boy a dozen times, but I felt guilty that I wasn't enjoying being pregnant and that I'd regret ever thinking it. But honestly, I've been so exhausted since day 1 and he's put me in pain often enough that I truly believe life will be a little easier, though louder and busier, after he arrives.

That being said, I'm really trying to make the most of this pregnancy. It is the easiest time you ever have taking care of your child. They eat when they want to without needing help, sleep when they're tired, and they don't cry! BUT, I'm looking forward to having energy, to not cringing when I get a stab of pain, and to no longer needing my tailbone adjusted each week from an active munchkin's kicking.

Looking forward to meeting you, Little Man! In your own time and not too soon. :)

So now, I'll say goodnight. A busy mom of 2 can't get enough sleep.

Where do I start?

Wow. It's been too long since I've blogged. I have a good excuse. Well, I have an excuse, don't know how "good" it is.

Let me start with updates:

Audrey turned ONE in September!!!! My baby! That was a really fast year. Now at 17 months old she's walking/running, talking (her favorite saying, "Der oo go!" - translation: There you go!) and full to the brim with energy. She wears me out! She has 8 teeth (she gets 4 at a time... wonderful.) Audrey is a huge help to me. She puts the silverware in the basket when I do dishes, she pretends to feed me when she plays house, and she hands me things to fold when I'm doing laundry. My "big" girl. I say "big" 'cause she's no bigger than a minute. If she'd gain that last 1/2lb I could turn her car seat around, but no. My munchkin.

Michael is doing well. His paperwork is being processed to transfer into the Air Force (Yay!). We're hoping to hear what the decision is soon. And I'm so proud of him! He pins on LT Commander (or Major if he transfers to the AF) this fall!!! He's worked so hard. That being said he's currently deployed on a 4 month deployment and I look forward to getting him home safely this spring...

Just in time for BABY BOY!!!! Yup! We're expecting our newest addition early May. We are all so excited! I'm really looking forward to meeting him. It's been an interesting pregnancy. One of the signs I was pregnant (before I could confirm it) was tiredness. I blamed it on a busy toddler, not knowing my body was working overtime. And the exhaustion hasn't gone away. I know. I know. After the first trimester you're supposed to get a surge of energy. I'm still waiting for the surge. Audrey doesn't know what's going on, but I think she'll really like him. She loves babies. They'll be ~19 months apart. Should be interesting!

Baby boy is healthy and very very active... like his sister. He does jumping jacks that leave me at the brink of tears from pain. He seems to be very strong too, kicking out my tailbone on more than one occasion. Thankfully I've been seeing a chiropractor so that's helped relieve some of the pain. Yes, we're keeping his name a secret like we did with Audrey. It adds suspense ;)

And me? I'm doing well. Going crazy, but doing well. This deployment has been interesting. Some of the challenges center around disciplining Audrey, keeping the house clean, not killing the dog, and taking care of my body through this pregnancy. I've caught the flu 3 times since I've been pregnant. Wonderful. To help keep me sane I've been sewing (clothes, quilts, and scrappy projects). I love having an outlet.

Traveling has taken the form of a baby shower in CO for my wonderful sister-in-law (who's having a girl!) and an upcoming trip back to beautiful VA this weekend. My parents and sister came into town for Christmas. I loved having them here. They made December fly by! It's been a good winter.

So that's all for now. I'm really going to try to keep this ol' blog updated.